Dimidium Animae Meae
by wittywerewolf
Summary: Translation: Half my life. I think that, for this, I shall let the title intrigue you, and the pairing draw you in. ShinichiShiho
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own DC, and I don't wish to be sued. Hence, I wrote these two sentences.

Mini A/N: The beginning of this chapter contains an extremely OOC Ran. Don't leave in disgust, please. Her OOC-ness is explained later on.

A/N: Well, here it is. The story that I kept talking about that never appeared… Anyway, this story actually has an interesting tale behind it. I read the Latin phrase that makes up the title in a brilliant Laurie King book, and just wanted to write something with that as a title. So it started out as a little humorous one-shot involving Conan, Ai, alcohol, and the inevitable drunken words. Half way through writing it, the plot bunnies struck, told me to write an angsty fic, and there was no other title for it than this. It suits this much more than it did the other. Enjoy.

---

I awoke to a splitting headache and groaned softly. As I did every morning that I woke up as hung over as I was this particular morning, I checked the hair colour and hair length of the woman sleeping beside me. Blonde. Long. Not what I'd been hoping for during the past three years. That, and I had no idea what this woman's name was.

To my dismay, she rolled over and faced me with a seductive smile, which I tried and failed to return. "Ohh, Shinichi," she drawled, "last night was just wonderful."

I winced. Last night? I remembered _nothing_ from last night, though I could certainly guess the goings-on. Of course, the fact that I couldn't remember the _name_ of the woman attempting to fix a seductive stare on me was the more pressing issue. So, I just smiled faintly and said, "yeah… Wonderful. Do you want anything for breakfast? I'm just a coffee person."

"Ah, Shinichi," she squealed, "I just _knew_ you'd be a coffee person. I've been thinking about that. I'll have coffee too." She _giggled_. She honestly _giggled_. _When were you thinking about it, anyway?_ I asked silently, _during the three hours I spent meeting you for the first time, seducing you, and having sex with you? Honestly._

I rolled out of bed, smiled vaguely at the anonymous woman lounging on top of my duvet, and made my way to the kitchen. Wearily, I pushed the button on the kettle and looked out the window at the cars that periodically zoomed down the road. The Kudo residence. I'd lived here for all 22 years of my life, excluding the five years I spent as Edogawa Conan.

The coffee pot dinged obnoxiously, and I swore. I'd promised myself I'd never think about those five years ever again. For all the things that had gone well during that period, even bringing down the black organization once and for all, they had still ended badly.

With another muffled curse, I poured out the coffee and carried the two mugs into the bedroom with a mumbled, "Hope you don't mind instant," said more out of politeness than actual care. She squealed something about not minding and I looked around the room for earplugs in vain. Why are almost all of the pretty ones stupid and/or annoying? Honestly. Well, at least she was blonde. The girl I'd loved since my life as Edogawa Conan was blonde too. Well, blonde-ish. Strawberry blonde, to be exact. I mentally reprimanded myself once more. I was _not_ going to think about her. I can't. She's gone now.

Gone… I stared out the window. Disappearing without a trace was a talent of hers. Comparable to Irene Adler. _It is said that she is the only woman Sherlock Holmes ever loved…_ _Even without the helping character, Kudo, you're still Holmes to us… _I shook my head violently. Not now. Not ever again. _I will never be as good as Holmes._

A voice, an annoying voice, finally drilled its way into my mind. "Shinichi? Shinichi? Shinichi, are you alright?"

The corners of my mouth twitched. _Never alright. Never alright again._ "Yeah, sorry. I'm fine. Just tired."

"And for good reason," she purred, "after last night." For heaven's sake, did she have to keep bringing that up? Once she was out of here, I would probably never see her again. The end. The others understood the meaning of the phrase "one night stand," why couldn't she?

I felt a hand grasp mine, and I twitched. "So, tantei-san… what do you want to do today?"

Biting my lip, I racked my mind desperately for an excuse. "Ah, about that. I've actually got to go investigate a case. I got a call last night while you were sleeping."

The woman (whose name still eluded me) pouted. "Alright," she giggled once more, "I'll see you when you get back, Shin-tan."

With a sigh that spoke of weariness well beyond my years, I pulled on a makeshift suit and left home.

---

The detective office. I hadn't been here in a long time. I took a long puff on my hastily lit cigarette and blew it out slowly. It had been part of my life for five long years, and yet I felt like a stranger here now. I raised my fist and knocked lethargically. The door was flung open and I took a startled step back. In the doorway stood Ran, looking rather bedraggled.

"Oh, Shinichi!" I nodded vaguely, and blew out another ring of smoke, "Sorry, I thought you were… Well, never mind. Come in!" Her face went through a peculiar range of emotions as she spoke. I tried to analyze the reasons behind them all, but failure leered at me, and I simply stepped inside.

Ran turned to face me, and from her expression it was apparent that her mood had changed again. "Shinichi!" she snapped, her anger flaring for no reason I could discern, "Since when do you smoke?" With speed most likely gained from her many years of karate training, she whipped the cigarette from my lips and put it out in one of her father's many ashtrays. I gaped. Ran could be unpredictable at times, but this was just peculiar.

"Ah, Ran?" I said softly, staring as she bustled around the office, "What's wron-"

She whirled around to face me, and I stopped in the middle of my confused words. "You walk in here, nonchalant and _smoking_, after turning down my confession? Twice? And then you have the _balls_ to ask me what's wrong?"

We stood in silence, with her glaring at me, as I formulated a response. "Ran," I began, and she continued to glare, "It's been years since we've discussed this, Ran. Why bring it up now? Besides, you're dating someone. You should be happy with him, not unhappily reminiscing about what could have been."

She blinked, and suddenly looked as though my words had made perfect sense. "Of course, Shinichi," she said, looking almost confused, "I don't know what's wrong with me today." _Neither do I_, I mused, watching as she heated up some tea,_ this isn't the Ran I know. _There was something so obviously _different_ about her that I couldn't quite place it. There were the extreme mood swings, of course, but that wasn't all of it. It was as though she was missing something that was integral to her Ran-ness. I shook my head. Now I was acting like Conan.

I smiled as she handed me a cup of tea, and continued to observe her as she poured another one for herself. _What is it? What is so wrong with this picture?_ The apron she was wearing was her usual one – blue with white stripes, her hair was as close to normal as her hair ever got, and her soulful brown eyes were as typical as ever. Everything was so right, so perfect, that it was wrong. I frowned. This couldn't be someone disguised as Ran. This was the real deal, but with the wrong personality. It made as little sense as shrinking teenagers to the size of children did.

"So, Shinichi," I looked up at her, startled. She was happy again, "What are you here for, anyway?"

I tried to look nonchalant. "Ah, nothing, really," I plastered as realistic a smile as I could manage on my face, "just thought I'd come and visit." It was something of an unrealistic answer, coming from me, but I couldn't very well tell her that I'd come to escape from an exceptionally clingy woman. And especially not when her mood was so unpredictable.

We chatted pointlessly, and I let my mouth run on automatic as I counted the number of times her mood changed. Four, five… It was absurd. Almost every time, there was no real cause for it – she was depressed one minute, and cheery the next. Perturbed by her strange actions, I studied the room instead. However, there was little to be deduced from it – it seemed to be as varied as she was.

There was what looked to be a pile of laundry in the corner – her father's? – several coffee cups were strewn across the kitchen table, notes about what seemed to be a fraud case were under said coffee cups, and a thick college-level book – in English, I noted - about chemistry was on the kitchen counter.

Nothing of any importance, nothing out of the ordinary, nothing- wait, a chemistry book? Ran hadn't studied chemistry in university, and there was no way Mouri-san was interested… Was it for a case? Distracted, I broke into Ran's monologue. I wasn't too sure what it was about by then, so I was probably better off interrupting it than letting her carry on and question me about it. "Ran, sorry to interrupt, but who does that book belong to?" I gestured towards it, and she looked slightly offended that I had cut in on her rambling statement, but she answered me anyway.

"Actually, I'm not too sure. I found it outside the door this morning. I would have given it to Dad, but he's been out since last night. I haven't really looked at it." I nodded slowly, and pulled a handkerchief out of my pocket – the book probably wouldn't have any useful fingerprints on it anyway, but you could never be too careful. If it belonged to _her_… Well, it would be my first clue to her whereabouts in years.

I could feel Ran's curious eyes upon my back as I tenderly opened the book. It wasn't old, by any means, but it reeked of being a clue to the profitless yet momentous case I'd been on, unofficially, for years. I opened the book somewhere in the middle, and slowly let the pages fall until I held only the inside front cover in my hand. I tilted it slowly to the left, and there, in faded pencil, was scribed a most telling clue. _S.M._ Written in a neat handwriting that I still recognized after all these years. It _had_ to be her. There was no doubt about it… And yet, there had to be. _You can never be sure if clues are facts, or simply_ _distractions,_ I reminded myself, and mumbled something to Ran about having to take the book and leave.

I tucked said book under my arm, and quickly made my way out of the door to an inquiry from Ran as to where I was going and what I was doing. I just had to hope that my abrupt exit would deter her from following, and not entice her to come after me.

---

The streets of Tokyo, or at least Beika, were still awash with rain. I tugged my jacket more firmly around my shoulders, and assured myself that the book was safe from the rain. _Shiho Miyano… Miyano Shiho… S.M. … Where have you been all this time, Ai? Hell, where are you now? What can this book tell me?_ I sighed and shook my head. It was no use getting philosophical about it now. I could investigate the book when I got home and-

I froze for a long moment. Gin. There was no mistaking it. That particular shade of blonde hair – shorter now than I remembered – those cold eyes, that _smirk._ But… He was in jail, serving a life sentence. His name had been, as we'd discovered, something like Kishiwa Ryujiro, and he was about 32. But that didn't matter. He had just _walked right by me_. It made no sense. Of course, it might not have been him. That hair, that smirk… and yet he hadn't so much as tossed me a glance. It _couldn't_ have been him. It _hadn't_ been him. I shook my head. Jail, He was in jail. Regardless, I stood upon that rainy, unpleasant sidewalk for a long few minutes as the mysterious man disappeared into the downpour.

---

Needless to say, upon my arrival at the house, I was soaked through. However, I was too deep in thought to care. _Shiho's chemistry textbook, Ran's peculiar mood swings, the man who looked amazingly like Gin… It all pointed to **them** being back, and yet they can't be. We caught them, long ago, Shiho and I. Well, she was Ai then._

"Shin-tan!" The exhilarated cry roused me from my thoughts, "You're home!" A pair of distinctly female arms wended their way around my neck. _Since when does she speak Kansai?_ I asked myself silently, and carried on to berate myself about not paying better attention. I was a detective. It was my job to notice tiny details, not completely miss important points.

After a long one-sided hug, she grasped my hand – the one not clutching the textbook – and tugged me into the living room. She gestured for me to sit down, her character as animated as ever, and I obeyed. She sat down on the armchair across from mine, and suddenly her demeanor changed entirely. In a split second, she'd gone from energetic and enthusiastic to cold and calculating.

"Good acting, ne?" She inquired, and I blinked. She reminded me of someone.

"Perfect," I said, doing my best to sound gruff, "but why put up such an elaborate façade?"

She chuckled maliciously and tossed her long blonde hair. "Ah, Shin-tan… Does your failure to understand something as simple as that mean that you don't know who sent me?" She smiled so impishly, so playfully, that my reply simply couldn't be nasty.

"To be honest, I have no idea who sent you, but that doesn't mean I have my, ah, theories." It was the sort of response I used for violent criminals – it worked like a charm all the time.

"Well, tantei-han, let me give you a hint. I am best known as Crème de Cassis. It has been quite a _pleasure_ to get to know you." With that, she smiled, and I simply stared blankly.

A woman from the black organization in my house. Why hadn't I been blown away yet? I should be dead. She didn't carry herself as a traitor would, nor had she come to me for protection – that much was obvious from her words. Why, then?

Obviously annoyed by my blank stare, she continued. "Shinichi, Shinichi… Oh, how do I even begin? My original mission in coming here was to kill you, as you've obviously pondered. However, even when drunk out of your skull, you're quite charming. But," she laughed, "the purpose of this tale is not to feed your ego. I am, obviously, an assassin for the organization you thought you'd brought down. A few weeks ago, I was given an assignment to study you; a prelude to killing you, really." She laughed again, and I watched her, my eyebrows raised. "I started out with some simple Internet research, and I was intrigued by the chronicles of the cases you've solved. I was then told by some higher ups that you had been a victim of the APTX 4869 formula, but it hadn't killed you. They went on to tell me of your escapades as Edogawa Conan."

I leaned forward in my chair as she paused, and drew the chemistry textbook out from my coat. I placed it on the coffee table, and she smirked. "Ah, yes, Sherry. I'm getting to that." I let out a breath I hadn't known I was holding. She had information on Shiho…

"Anyway, intrigued as I was by the various reports I was getting about you, I decided to observe you myself. I've watched your past five cases from afar, Shinichi, and I was amazed during all of them." She smiled, and my fingers gently brushed the chemistry book once more. _Shiho…_

"Finally, after watching you for a little over a month, the organization divulged another piece of information to me: you were looking for Sherry, the little traitor." I tensed. If they knew something, anything, that I didn't know, I could finally find her. "We know very little that you don't, Shin-tan, so don't get your hopes up." I winced. "That… interested me. I didn't know much about Sherry, so I made it my mission to learn about all three of her lives: Miyano Shiho, Sherry, and Haibara Ai. As Haibara, she was something of your partner in crime. Or," she smirked, "I should say, your partner against crime. I could see, from statements given by those that knew you, that you two grew closer as the years of your second childhood wore on."

I sucked in a slow breath. There had to be something more to it all than that. "Since I couldn't very well observe Sherry, I went back to shadowing you. I had grown fond of you by then, so I wasn't terribly pleased when the organization told me to get on with it and quietly dispose of you. However, as in the army, orders are orders. My first mission was to test a mind-altering drug on your dear Mouri Ran, the effects of which I'm sure you noticed today. Don't look so concerned, Shin-tan, she'll be back to normal in a while. Anyway, I was then told that he easiest thing to do would be to prey on your womanizing habits, sleep with you, and then kill you. Therefore, I ended up here." She smiled impishly. "And that's my story."

I sighed. That narrative had explained nothing. "Alright, then. You going to kill me, or what?"

Her laughter filled the room once more. "So morbid, Shin-tan! Of _course_ I'm not going to kill you." She said nothing beyond that, and we stared at each other for a while – her, smirking, and me, frowning.

Finally, she gave in. "Alright, I see the question in your eyes. Sherry was last seen in Lisbon airport boarding a flight to Chicago, Illinois."

Shit. Hope _does_ spring eternal. I leapt up from my chair, intending to get to the airport as fast as I could, return of the black organization be damned. I was stopped, however, by the surprisingly strong grip of the woman who I now knew as Crème de Cassis. I turned to her, yelling incoherently, but her grip remained firm. "I'm sorry," she said softly, and through my rage I could see true sadness in her eyes, "but I'm afraid the organization's icy grip has reached my heart as well. I can't just let you go." I slumped. It was cruel to get my hopes up and then proceed to smash them like that. "However," she murmured, and my eyes jerked up to meet hers again, "I can give you a chance."

I looked at her questioningly, and the sad smile remained on her face. She drew a device I recognized immediately from the back pocket of her faded jeans – a pair of handcuffs. "Ironic, isn't it," she muttered as she encased my right wrist in the metal ring, "the great giver of justice arrested by a criminal." I didn't protest. A chance was a chance, however small. It felt like I'd told Ai that once. Créme de Cassis locked the other end of the cuffs to the room's radiator, and looked at me sadly for what would probably be the last time. I knew that one of us would likely end up dead within the day. "Good luck," she said tenderly, and leaned forward to kiss me, ever so softly, on the lips. "I've got to call the dogs on you now."

With that and not so much as a look back, she swept out of my house, her cell phone to her ear. I tugged hard on the handcuffs, and only succeeded it making an obnoxious clanging noise. I sighed softly. She hadn't given me a weak pair of cuffs – these were police-issue and new. _Créme de Cassis. _I would remember that name well, and whether for ill or for good I wasn't capable to tell.

---

A/N/wipes sweat off brow/ Wow. Well, it wasn't as long as I really wanted it to be, but hey. If you noticed changes in he writing style at various points, well, let me put it this way: I started writing this almost a month ago, and have been adding to it on and off ever since. During the past three days in Paris, I pretty much did nothing but write… Now that I'm finished with this chapter, I'm getting the feeling that my girlfriend is angry at me. Ah well. Your reviews shall form my safety net when she throws me off of our apartment building.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: For those of you who wrote _entire_ reviews doing nothing more than criticizing my ability to conjugate Latin, I'll repeat something I said in the author's note of the last chapter: _I did not come up with this phrase. I did not conjugate it. I have never taken any sort of Latin class._ In other words: read author's notes before criticizing. They're important. For those of you who reviewed nicely: Thank you! Reviews inspire me.

Disclaimer: If I owned DC, it wouldn't be nearly as successful as it is. The Rat and Crème de Cassis belong to me.

---

_Edogawa Conan was tired. No, exhausted. He'd been running –sprinting – for how long? He didn't know anymore. For every smooth breath in, there were two ragged ones out. He tasted blood in his mouth, but he knew there wasn't any. Running so far, for so long. He would never find her. Not at this rate. Never. Why had she left? What was her reason? Why hadn't she said anything? Why- There. She was there. Within reach. He stumbled, but kept running. There. In the rain. He saw his own arm stretch out – he couldn't feel it – watched, as it grasped her arm, pulling her to a halt. He drew in a happy, rough breath. She turned to face him_

_"Who are you?" His breath froze in his throat, and the rest of him followed suit._

_"Ai… No. How…? You- you don't…?" She sent him a cold, blank look._

_"My name isn't Ai." She shook his slackened grip off of her arm, "and get off of me." She turned away, looking disgusted, and continued walking._

_Edogawa Conan crumpled to the ground, his fists clenched. The rain pounded down upon him, but it failed to keep his head down. "AI!" He roared, "COME BACK! Please…" _

_The girl in front of him stopped. She simultaneously thought he was pathetic and sweet. She turned around slowly, and walked towards him – his head was bowed once more. He wasn't expecting her to come back. She stopped in front of him, and stretched out a hand, which she nestled in his hair. "Just kidding, Kudo." She said softly. And he was too relieved to be indignant. _

---

I shook my head violently. _Idle thoughts. Pointless thoughts._ _Things I haven't thought about in years…_ I bit my lip and tugged at my cuffs again. The skin of my wrist was now bloody and bruising, but getting out of here before _they_ came was more important than the pain. _Come on, come on… I've got to catch a plane to Chicago! Kuso… _Another tug. An involuntary wince.

The radiator wasn't budging. I was surprised that it had taken this long for the organization's representatives to get here. Perhaps Crème de Cassis was stalling them. Or – I looked around – they were already here. Perhaps they were waiting for me to escape and get my hopes up, and then they would kill me. It was cold enough, cruel enough, to suit them perfectly.

I examined the cuffs again. There had to be at least _one _weak link in them. There always was. The number of criminals that had escaped thanks to a weak pair of cuffs… The obnoxious sound of my cell phone beeping shook me out of my reverie. I reached around to my back right pocket, my shoulder objecting all the while, and fished the phone out. On the screen was a text message, short and to the point.

_The radiator, idiot._

I raised my eyebrows slowly. _Advice? From who? _The only one who knew of my plight was… No way. _Her? Crème de Cassis? Surely not. But… Oh, fuck it. Does it matter who it's from? _I gritted my teeth, tensed my muscles, and wished I still had my super sneakers – this was going to be painful. I looked at the rusty wall attachments for a long moment, and convinced myself I was kicking a soccer ball. A very _metallic_ soccer ball.

Pain. Blinding pain. I bit my lip and knelt on the ground – if only to be on the same level as the now-detached radiator. That hadn't helped. That _really _hadn't helped. I was still attached to it, and now it was on the floor. Just as I was about to set off into a swearing tirade, my phone rang again. I began the tirade nonetheless, and scrabbled for the obnoxiously vibrating lump of useless metal. I made a mental note to change my ring tone.

Another text flashed on the screen, and I rolled my eyes. It was the same number as before, and it was just as sarcastic.

_Not **that** part of the radiator, baka. Did you not notice the immense rusted section **right next** to the cuffs? One good kick should do it._

I looked at the radiator again. Ah, yes, that _enormous_ rusted section. _How did I not notice th- Wait. Someone's watching me. Are the messages really to help me, or…_ My earlier thoughts came back to me with a jolt. _What if they're letting me escape so I can lead them to Shiho? Then… they can kill us both._ Defiantly, I stood and readied myself for another kick. I would not succumb to my own panicked thoughts. _Since when do I have 'what if' thoughts, anyway?_

With my body bent over as it was, I looked like I was bowing – not the best stance to kick something from. Nevertheless, I sucked in a breath and told myself that I was kicking an easy penalty. A _winning_ penalty.

The sound of metal breaking is not a pretty one. The sound of bones breaking, even less so. At least I was no longer attached to the radiator. I paused for a second to take stock of my injuries. My right wrist was bleeding, and it was currently a nasty shade of purple. I was fairly certain that I had broken at least two toes, but I would deal with that later. Right now, I was hot on the scent of the most important case of my life.

No one was shooting at me. There was no organization member approaching me with a smirk on their face. Nothing. _Hope springs eternal,_ I thought, and limped towards the door. I could buy clothes and other equipment when I got to Chicago.

My fist closed around the door handle, and I almost smiled. It wasn't much, but it was a step closer nonetheless. Closer to… _her._ I swung the door open slowly and stepped into the damp autumn air. At least it wasn't raining anymore. _Alright, if I- _Cold. Metallic. Circular… No. Not now. Not here… A chilling 'click' resounded just above my ear. Despite the bravery I thought I had within me, despite all the people who had told me, time and time again, that I was the bravest man they knew, I froze. I felt beads of sweat form on the back of my neck, and my heart pounded. All the bravery and bravado in the world couldn't save me now.

"Ooh, so close, Tantei-san. I wasn't expecting you to be intelligent enough to escape, but it would have been interesting nonetheless." My eyes closed slowly. I knew that voice anywhere.

"Gin… How?" My throat was tight, and my voice, high.

"Nice deduction there, _meitantei_. Did you really think that jail would keep me entertained for long?" My eyes were still closed, but I could see his expression swimming in front of me. Smirking as always, blue-grey eyes shining with unholy glee. The same way he'd looked when he'd nearly killed Shiho, so many years ago.

"Why now?" I whispered, and I could sense something in Gin's demeanour change.

"That's what I said." Gin snapped the words out, but there was something about the way he said them that seemed almost… Compassionate? He drew the gun back from my temple, and drew a shaky breath. Reluctantly, I opened my eyes. His face was one I had hoped I would never have to see again.

"What do you mean, 'that's what I said?' To who?" My voice was hoarse, and I simply wanted to run, but I got the feeling that he would shoot me if I tried anything.

His hand suddenly gripped my shoulder, and I drew in a ragged breath. His long, thin fingers dug into my skin as his grip grew ever tighter. "That's what I asked myself on the day she left, tantei." Confusion washed over me, then he laughed, let go, and pushed me away roughly. "Go, baka tantei. Find her. Do what I couldn't."

I was too relieved to do anything but run.

---

A pair of cold blue-grey eyes watched the ever-popular detective as he sprinted as quickly as his injured body would carry him. _Enjoy yourself, Tantei-san. She's not the sort to be found easily. _The man's thin fingers brushed over the smooth scar tissue on the side of his face. _Not easily at all._

For the second time that day, a member of one of the most feared criminal organizations in the world called a certain boss to explain that they'd been bested by a 22-year-old detective. For the second time that day, a member of the blackest criminal organization to ever exist rethought everything they'd done to get to where they were. And for the second time that day, they smirked and left the house of Kudo Shinichi.

_Good luck, tantei-san_. The two members, miles away from each other, smiled sadly. Bravery is a rare thing.

---

As I jogged down the soaked streets, headed towards the nearest taxi stand, I noticed that I was getting any number of wide-eyed stares from the few people I passed. I knew I was limping, but surely that wasn't enough to garner the fear I saw in their eyes. It was when one passer-by, a teenage schoolgirl, sent a pointed stare towards my right wrist that I understood. In the same instant, I realized that I wasn't going to get very far with a pair of handcuffs dangling off of me. I stopped, there in the middle of the sidewalk – earning me further stares.

People nervously edged past me as I stared into the distance._ Where can I get these things taken off? The police would find it suspicious, The Professor probably doesn't have some machine that's ready-made for taking handcuffs off, and-_ I frowned. My last option was not a pleasant one, but they're called 'last options' for a reason.

Half an hour later, I found myself, drenched and scowling, in front of what had once been a majestic office building. Or perhaps it had always been nondescript and crumbling. I didn't claim to know.

With a sigh of trepidation, I shoved my shoulder against the cold metal of the door. Steel doors? What had this place been, a prison? I leaned against it for a while, adding pressure slowly, until it lurched open with the distinctive sound issued by all doors not oft opened.

I stepped inside, and waited for the halfhearted attack that I knew would come. _10, 9, 8, 7, 6…_ There. A hairy arm encircled my neck and pulled me backwards in a pitiful attempt at choking me. I almost wanted to let the idiot carry to, just to see if he was actually capable of cutting off my breath. But I was in a hurry. I drew my arm up slowly, giving him time to cut off his feeble attempt. Obviously, he was too absorbed. I shoved my elbow into his flabby stomach, and took relish in his pained groan.

"It's me, Rat. Do you always try to strangle your customers?" The potbellied man, still doubled over, stared up at me, his beady eyes analyzing my appearance.

"K- Kudo-kun! You didn't have to hit me _that_ hard." He puffed hard, and straightened up. Meanwhile, I marveled at the fact that this paunchy little man had once been a skilled thief. "Alright, Kudo," he said, wincing with every word, "Whaddya want?"

I sighed, held up my hand, and he broke into a waterfall of loud guffaws. "Yes," I snapped, "I know it's funny. Now will you cut it already?" The idiot looked as though he'd been given a large dose of laughing gas. I watched him for a moment – he was still clutching his stomach, but now he was both shaking violently and laughing hysterically. I could see his fat rolls wobbling. I grimaced. _Some thief._

"A- alright, Kudo-kun," he panted, "I'll cut them. However, you have to tell me how in hell you got arrested."

I sighed. "Fine, fine. Whatever. Just get me out of this thing." The fat idiot chuckled again and grabbed the cuffs, dragging me to a sinister-looking grinder in an adjoining room. I explained my story as quickly as I could, annoyed at how amusement twinkled in his beady black eyes. He stopped me, however, when I mentioned Gin.

The amused sparkle disappeared from his eyes, and was replaced by an ominous light. "If you know Gin, then," he looked up from his work on my cuffs, "then you must know Vodka." I nodded slowly. What was his point? He smirked. "Come on out, my friend."

The great hulking man that I had always known to accompany Gin appeared out of the shadows, a crooked smile on his face. I wrenched my wrist from the Rat's grip, and tensed into something between a fighting stance and a slouch of defeat. Vodka held up his hands innocently, and I noted that there was nowhere on him in which he could hide weapons that would be any real threat to me. Reluctantly, I relaxed.

The Rat laughed. "Ah, I see you two remember each other. How very touching." Vodka simply watched me, an uncharacteristic smirk on his face. After a long moment, the Rat turned to face me again. "Come on, now. Let me get these cuffs off. The Pit Bull ain't gonna hurt ya." I rolled my eyes. _The Rat and the Pit Bull. Where does this guy get these names from?_ I winced as said Rat pulled my wrist over the grinder again – the thought of that thing biting into my flesh was not a pleasant one.

Ten tense minutes went by before the smooth steel of my cuffs finally snapped. Vodka, having loomed over my shoulder the entire time, disappeared back into the shadows at a gesture from the Rat. I figured that I should take my leave as well, and was about to make my way to the door when the Rat's hairy hands grabbed hold of my shoulders.

I didn't even bother to turn around this time. "What do you want, Rat?"

I heard his laboured breathing behind my head, could smell his (fittingly) cheesy breath swirling about my nose. "Why, Kudo? Why d'ya help me when you know I'm a criminal?" I turned, saw the heartfelt question in his eyes, and smiled. A case that I'd had in New York City flashed back to me.

"Is a reason necessary?" He looked confused, and I clarified in the same manner that I had back then. "I wouldn't know the motives for killing a person, but as far as helping a person is concerned, why should there be a logical mind?"

The Rat smirked, and patted me on the back. "Go on, Kudo, and come back whenever you need to." I paused, in an attempt to think up something fitting to say, but he waved me off. "Hurry up and leave. I don't want your presence to scare the other customers."

I smiled and left. _Whoever said all criminals were bad guys?_

---

Outside, the rain still splattered upon the streets, and the turbulent grey clouds hovering above promised more. I stood stock still for a moment, letting the rain pound upon my back – I needed to mull things over. _Vodka's out. Gin's out. If both of them managed to escape, then… _I groaned softly, _Vermouth and… The Boss. Both of them, released upon the world again. Released upon Shiho again. _

I snapped out of my reverie. I had to plan things properly, if those two were out again, but speed was now even more of an issue. I stared walking. Movement had always helped me think things through. _I need a soccer ball to juggle_. _If I go to Agasa Hakase, and book a flight to Chicago, then I'll be sure to get on. If I go straight to the airport, however, and there's a flight soon, everything will be faster._

The last time I hadn't thought things through before doing something against the black organization, both Shiho and I had nearly died. On the other hand, the last time I hadn't been quick enough, they'd found me before I could prepare properly. Officers Takagi and Satou had narrowly saved me. I was no longer sure if there was a happy medium.

My head jerked up, tearing my glazed stare from the sidewalk. I almost smiled. Somehow, almost unconsciously, I had ended up in front of Agasa Hakase's house.

I brushed my soaked hair away from my eyes, and knocked on the oaken door I knew so well. Hakase's traditional bellow of "Coming! Just give me a second!" Rung out, and I smiled. Some things never change.

The mustached man I had known since I was a child – both the second and the first time – grinned broadly upon seeing my face. "Shinichi! It's been ages! Come in, come in." He waved me inside and I smiled sadly. Telling him that the Black Organization was back and was after Shiho once more would be hard. However, there was no other way to explain my sudden need to fly to Chicago.

"Alright, Shinichi-kun," Agasa said, his expression still cheerful, "I recognize that expression. What do you want?" I sighed. He always had gotten to the point quickly.

"Hakase," I murmured, "they're back." For a long moment, that cheerful expression hung on his face. It seemed so out of place with the rain outside, splattering on the windows. But Hakase was always happy.

He looked down, then up at me again. "Are they…?" He trailed off, knowing I knew what his question was.

"Yes," I said softly, watching his expression go from dejected to despondent, "they are." _Hakase, I'm sorry._

"You promised to protect her." He said it with a smile that baffled me – how could he be happy?

Nevertheless, I nodded slowly. "I did." His grin grew. _But there's darkness in his eyes. Determination?_

"What do you need me to do to get you to wherever you think she is?" He looked… Not quite confident, but more determined than I had ever seen him.

"Tickets to Chicago on a flight that leaves today." I said, still baffled by his faith in me.

He nodded. "Consider it done," he reached out, patted me on the back, and said, "It'll take a sec. Go to your house and get some travel supplies." With that, he dashed off to the nearest computer, and I headed – reluctantly – to my house. Too many bad things had happened there in the last 24 hours.

---

I opened the heavy double doors with trepidation – after all, the last time they'd swung open by my hand, Crème de Cassis had been waiting for me. This time, though, there was no strange dressed in black. In fact, it looked much the same as it always did, though the front hall radiator was in pieces on the ground. My sore toes throbbed to remind me why.

I trudged up the stairs, heading for my room. It occurred to me, that if things went wrong, I might never see this place again. Then I wondered how many times I'd thought that before.

My bedroom… While before it had seemed inviting, it now seemed dark. Depressing. It reminded me of things that I didn't want to be reminded of. _Perhaps I should move._ I ran a hand through my hair, and my gaze fell upon a photo that had been on my bedside table since I had been 15.

It was of me and Ran, on our very first "date" to Tropical Land. I was in my classic pose – a peace sign and a grin, my left arm draped awkwardly around Ran's shoulders. She, too, was smiling. Only now did I notice the faint blush that painted her cheeks.

It had been a great day. We were both a bit old for amusement parks, but a rollercoaster is still a rollercoaster no matter how old you are. By some strange twist of fate, not even a petty crime was committed in my presence – it was the first time in a while that she and I had spent time together uninterrupted. Sonoko hadn't followed us, either. The day had been perfect. I should have told her that I loved her that day. I had chickened out. I wasn't brave. I never had been brave.

We were so happy back then, and I was the one that ruined it all. Why had I never told her that I loved her? Why had I said that I was in love with someone else the second time she'd confessed? _Because you were. Because you are._ I ruined it! I destroyed the one happy, stable relationship that I ever could have had. _But I was in love._ What's more important, love, or stability? _Love. Stability. Why should I have to pick? _Because I already have. Did I go for love over happiness? _Would you be happier with Ran?_ More happy than I am with these women. _What about Shiho? _I don't know. _Did you ever know? _No.

I'd thought about confessing to her at Tropical Land, and I'd told her I was in love with someone else at Tropical Land. How very ironic. I closed my eyes, and saw her hurt expression swimming in front of my eyes. She hadn't cried. At least, she hadn't cried in front of me. _Maybe she had later. Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Maybe I shouldn't have walked away. Maybe-_ I shook my head and opened my eyes. _Too many 'maybe's. I'm over her. I have been for a long time. _

I desperately needed to clear my mind, so I hauled my slightly battered grey suitcase out from under the bed. I froze and grimaced. _Of all the times…_ On top of my suitcase laid another photograph. _Conan and Ai. Me and Ai. _I closed my eyes again, but no memories replayed. No thought of her smiling at me swam in my mind. I opened my eyes. _Should images conjure memories? Does the fact that they don't mean that I'd be better off with Ran?_

A loud beep tore me from my thoughts. My head jerked to the left, and my eyes scanned the wall. Nothing. No electronic items. The computer is on the other side of the room. I winced and pressed the heels of my hands to my eyes. _I'm going crazy._

---

"Oh, Cool Guy. Your emotional distress is so _very_ touching, but I'm afraid I don't have the time to watch that pretty little face of yours flip between sadness and happiness over and over again. Hopefully, my little beep has speeded you slightly. I so _dearly_ want to kill Sherry, you know. Gin's love is still hers, I'm afraid."

The tall blonde woman, reclining in her chair, watched Shinichi throw clothing into his suitcase. _I don't want you to die, Cool Guy. You got lucky today – even though I wasn't around to send orders, you still managed to avoid death. How do you do it? At any rate, you're safe whenever I'm around. _The woman laughed softly._ Well, safe to an extent._

"Good luck, Cool Guy. For now, I'm your guardian angel." Vermouth switched her camera to Agasa's and made a mental note of which flight Shinichi was being booked onto. If he was heading to Chicago, so was she.

---

I had never liked airports. All the ones I flew to and from were constantly crowded, practically bursting at the seams. More to the point, airports are terrible places to be when you're worried about something. Everyone else seems to be moving, going somewhere, and yet you're stuck in some crowded café, drinking a coffee that tastes like hot water.

_Shiho's in Chicago. They're after her again. They're after me again. They're probably following me. _I looked around, though I knew they wouldn't be obvious about it. _They want me to lead them to Shiho. I want to see her again, but doing so will mean that they'll find her again, too. _My head was enveloped by my hands once more._ Would she be safer if didn't try to find her? Of course. Then again, they might find her anyway, and they'll still kill us both. _

The scratchy high-pitched voice of some airport worker crackled over the speakers, announcing the 8:25 JAL flight to Chicago. _Saved by the bell, _I thought, but I knew my unsettled imaginings would continue as soon as I was on the plane. _Perhaps I'll fall asleep. _But sleep meant nightmares. It had for years.

---

Beside the softly snoring detective – sleep had come to him, despite his wishes – sat a tall black-haired woman, a smirk painting her face. _Some detective,_ she thought, _then again, no one could ever see through my disguises. _

The woman sipped her tea. _Cool Guy… Are you as trusting as you seem? _She brushed his thick bangs out of his eyes. _You barely took notice of me when I sat down here._ She smirked. _Or were you just hiding your knowledge of who I am? _She watched the young man's chest rise and fall. _Can you see right through me, Kudo Shinichi-kun? _She sipped her tea again and returned her gaze to the back of the chair in front of her. _We shall see._

---

In the very last seat of the plane, deep in the annals of Economy class, sat a woman, her hair silky and blonde. She wore sunglasses, though the plane's inner lights had been turned off long ago. _Shin-tan… You know Vermouth is sitting next to you, right? _The woman, so similar in looks and stature to the woman next to Shinichi, smiled. _Falling for the subject. How very undisciplined of me. _The woman stared solemnly down the aisle. She couldn't see him. She wished she could. She wanted to tell herself that she only wanted to be able to see him so that she knew he was safe, but that wasn't it. She wanted to watch him as he slept, as he read… As he did whatever he did when on a plane. She shook her head slowly. _I am such an idiot._ But she smiled, and her gaze down the aisle never faltered.

---

A/N: Yes, I know what you're thinking: How on earth did it take him _that_ long to write 9 and a half pages/sigh/ I know, I know. I've been stressed lately. Anyway, 'tis time to thank those that helped me to get this chapter out now and not ever later. Many thanks to Sonoko, Kaito, Vermouth, and Ai. You four have helped me through some rough times lately, so thanks a million. /bows/ And yes, Sonoko, I remain adamant that you have helped more than words can express. /cough/ Anyway, to the rest of my reviewers: THANK YOU! Reviews really do help me write, and I've certainly needed the help lately.


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